


Love Like Ghosts

by Lonyn



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oneshot, What if Scenario, mostly plot, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28026864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonyn/pseuds/Lonyn
Summary: Hahya Lavellan has been waiting at Skyhold knowing the day will come when Solas comes back to fulfill his mission. It started at the place the sky was held back so why would he not finish it there? She knew there was no use chasing him when eventually he would arrive there, and she has questions she wants answered. What if he was wrong about everything and he was merely playing the fool in someone else's plot? Oneshot. Set five years post Inquisition.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Love Like Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Just a self-indulgent Solavellan oneshot that came to mind. There is some smut, but it's almost all plot, sorry to disappoint lol I pronounce my Lavellan's name like Hi-uh.

She was the only one at Skyhold these days. It was inevitable, she knew, that for all of her searching one day Solas would end up back to where he started this all so many ages ago.

It was why she withdrew; there was no point to searching when this was where he would come.

And so he did.

She shifted when she heard the slow creak of her door opening at the bottom of the stairs. Immediately she sat up, waited, eyes adjusting to the dark. She knew it had to be him. Once to the top of the stairs he stilled. He saw her, and she wasn’t sure what the sudden shift in his body meant. Did he expect her to be here? Did he hope that she was?

The wind wailed against her balcony doors; they rattled at the approaching storm, almost echoing their tumultuous standoff.

“Will you not speak to me?” Her tone was surprisingly not harsh. She cried enough tears over the last five years for him, felt enough anger. An ache rumbled in her heart that he was here before her once again. There was no convincing him. No fighting him. Only acceptance at the inevitability of his actions. She gave up believing that she could change his mind, yet there was one tiny piece of her that still believed though she tried her best to bury it deep.

That tiny piece tried to scream what if he was wrong? About it all? She began to wonder about that over her travels alongside the whispers from the Well. What she found at Mythal’s Temple, what Abelas had shown her.

“I dared to allow myself the chance to see you one last time,” he finally spoke, his voice tired and so close to broken. Restraint simmered behind that voice where conviction once lain when he laid it all bare for her. Now it seemed so hollow.

She curled her knees up to her chest, leaning against them, watching him, their eyes never leaving each other. On one hand, there was a certain satisfaction that when he came here his first intention was to see if she was still within these emptied grounds. She’d long ago sent everyone away, vehemently turned away wandering travelers. The only company she had were Leliana’s crows on occasion.

On the other nonexistent hand he was here. Ready to do away with the veil and right his past wrongs. His fingers were tensely curled upon the stairway’s rail. He had not ascended that last step fully, one foot still rooted on the one below. It reminded her of that night in the grotto when he ripped her heart out. When she tried to touch him and all he could do was step away. And the last time they’d seen each other, when he took a step back when she stepped forward. As if her touch could sway his mind, and he dare not risk it. As if it could be that easy.

“If you wish to talk you may as well finish coming in.” She stood, stepping off the bed, bare feet padding quietly across the cold floor. She tossed a log upon the smoldering embers in the fireplace and began to fiddle with the contraption Dagna made for her to easily start fires. Her room was filled with little things to make her life simple without half her lower arm.

She could hear his feet finally move. He took the last step and she turned to carefully watch him as the fire flickered across his features.

“You look weary, Fen’harel,” she slighted him, savoring the look of pain that flashed briefly upon his eyes. “Feeling guilty tonight?”

“Hahya, please…” his voice trailed off.

“What do you want from me, Solas?” She shrugged her shoulders. “You are here now for one reason alone. What do you seek from me? Permission?”

“Answers.”

She frowned his way. “What answers could you possibly need from me?”

His head hung low, rolling till he looked out the window. Snow and sleet began to pelt upon the castle.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was sleeping,” she responded, and she saw a slight quirk to his lips. “Is that truly your question?”

“No…” She scoffed at his response.

“I knew someday you would come for Skyhold. It is the place it all began is not? I’m not as stupid as I once was. I searched this castle, and I found the clues.”

“You were never stupid, ma…” he swallowed, hand swiping over his mouth and she hated the way her heart skipped a beat at his almost slip. “Hahya…” the strain was back in his voice.

“Does my being here cause you pain? Distress?” She waited, watching him. “I was so stupidly in love with you that I missed all the tells, but I see them now. Your body betrays you and paints the picture quite clear.”

“What did you hope would happen when I returned,” he finally asked.

“I cannot persuade you from your task, Solas, I know this. I merely needed to ask you a simple question. Though the more I thought about it, the more complicated it may be for you to answer.”

“Ask it.”

She shook her head. “Not yet. You must answer another question first.” Her heart sped up, he still stood only at the top of the steps, but she could see the restraint in his body. “Do you still love me?” His eyes widened, but he tried to hold himself together. Would he answer? “Am I still your heart,” her voice was low but he heard her; she knew it.

It only took him five strides to reach her and the press of his lips was worth the squirming she put him through. She was a fool she knew, but damn him if he thought he wasn’t also still a fool for her.

“ _Yes_ ,” he breathed, “Vhenan.” His voice faltered, no bravado. He was vulnerable tonight, positively aching, and his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as he hugged her firmly to his body.

He finally untangled his arms, cupping her face in his palms, lips seared against her own. It was mere moments before they were in her bed, clothes shed easily, bodies pressed tightly. His skin felt good against her own, his hands roaming, the familiar feel of his fingers painting lines across her thigh.

She tried not to let the whine escape her when his hips rocked against hers, and she felt the presence of his heat close to where she was aching. Her back arched when his fingers got to work, all the wonderful tendrils of pleasure seeped into her soul. She almost forgot what it felt like, forgot the sensation. Years passed between their last moment together and this one. She wondered if she was the last for him as well.

She keened when his fingers teased her, curling just right within her. She could barely catch her breath, edging so close to release when he pulled back, settling his lips back to hers. She could feel the warmth of him between their bodies, hard, throbbing. She was writhing beneath him, left unfinished and wanton. His palm cupped her cheek again, his lips so needy. She wasn’t sure what he was trying to chase, what he was trying to delay, because the strain in his body was intense.

“I want this, Solas,” she whispered against his lips. He stilled, and for a moment she wondered if he thought her choice of words was peculiar. I want _this_ not _you_. She was still baiting him, still wanting to hurt him with callous words despite wanting to love him. He hurt her so much; she didn’t want him to think for a second that she wouldn’t remind him of that despite their current situation. She nodded, gripping his jaw in her hand to entice him with another blistering kiss to give her what she wanted.

The hesitation seemed to leave him as she felt him shift, felt the slide within her. She took pleasure in his weakness as well as the fullness he granted her. She moaned, soaking up his own gasp in the moment. He didn’t move, as if he was afraid of breaking this moment, but she was almost right there. She would break so easily, was so wound and ready. “Solas,” she moaned his name, and he shifted, finally moving.

The slide of him felt so good, causing her to come undone in pieces, pulsing tightly around him. He didn’t stop, chasing his own release, straining to hold on as her sheath pulled him. Another moan escaped her, another wave beginning to build, and she met his thrusts with her own. He was moaning, groaning, all the wonderful noises she missed from this man who did the utmost to hold his composure and control. He was falling apart. His finger found their joining, rubbing that bundle of nerves that shattered her to pieces so suddenly. He thrust one more time, grinding hard until she felt him spending himself inside of her, moaning in her ear as his entire body shuddered above her. She couldn’t help but cling to him the same way he clung to her.

The calm finally washed over them, Solas’s lips gently ghosting over hers. She let him, she couldn’t bring him to stop despite the aching in her heart. He finally shifted lying beside her. A heavy sigh escaped him and she saw his eyes closed, smile splayed upon his lips. For a fleeting moment it was as if time hadn’t passed, as if they were still hunting Corypheus and taking their time to enjoy one another on a chilly night.

He didn’t move away, no hasty retreat for his clothes. She knew she was just as weak as he, and so she eased closer to him, and he welcomed her nearness. He pulled the blanket over them, whispering things, and she smiled against his chest pretending that it really was before he ripped her heart out for what she could not fathom at the time. It wasn’t long before sleep took her amidst the wind howling and sleet clattering against the windows. It was one of the most peaceful rests she had in a while.

She woke wondering if it was all a dream until she realized she was holding Solas from behind. Her right arm was draped over his side and she could feel his fingers stroking hers till he curled his hand around it and placed her hand upon his chest. She didn’t want to leave the warmth of him; the fire snuffed itself out during the night and the clouds were dark and stormy still.

It was strange, but she wouldn’t question it, how they seemed to wander Skyhold as if nothing happened, as if he hadn’t been absent from her life for five years. The only thing that bloomed was the foreboding sense of dread she carried in her chest. That when the storm ceased its relentless raging outside he was going to fulfill the duty he’d promised himself.

He was in the rotunda, and she watched from the doorway as he looked at all his frescos. His fingers slid over the black paint splattered over one. Her doing, of course. An angry night when she ravaged this room.

“What was the other question you have neglected to ask me, ma Vhenan?” He turned to look at her over his shoulder as he flipped some pages of one of his old tomes. When she didn’t answer he turned more fully to her and watched her stoic, unchanging appearance. “Ever the enigma.” His smile was soft and sad and she scoffed.

“You had me figured out from the start.”

He chuckled, “I did not. _Do_ not. Despite the fondness and love we share for one another I still have yet to fully breach those walls.”

“I suppose you would know.”

“You may not have known my past… yet you know me.”

“I know who you pretended to be.” He looked wounded as he found his attention upon the books.

“I deserve whatever fiery scorn you bear. I wanted to confess, yet I knew if I told you then I would be too weak to continue with what must be done.”

“Would that have been so bad?”

“Perhaps… it would not have been…”

“Solas, I see the doubt in you. Have you really explored no other alternatives?”

“The ensuing chaos will bring about the destruction. Till the world blends and calms. My people will be made new again.” His voice faltered, ever so slightly but she heard it.

“How,” she pressed. “Are you really so sure you can bring them back? What if you fail? What if you do something much worse? The future I saw had demons spilling from holes in the sky. Would you not be doing the same?”

He shook his head. “I’m afraid it isn’t that simple.”

“You think me too stupid to understand?”

“No… Yet I do not wish you to see the monster I have become. The monster I shall continue to be.”

“Spare me the bullshit,” she spat, but realized she was giving him exactly what he wanted. That she would turn away, leave, not be privy to the acts he was going to commit. He didn’t want her to see him do it so he wanted to drive her away. She stood her ground; she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Were those your questions?”

“No.”

“Ask them? Please?”

“What if you were lied to… what if you were tricked into doing exactly what it is you’re doing because someone else had planned it all out from the beginning?”

“Who might you be referring to?”

“You know exactly who I’m referring to.”

She could see she’d gotten him thinking, but his arrogance was showing. “She is no longer a factor. She may yet live, but her powers are now mine.”

“What if that was part of the plan?”

“Do you believe you know something that I do not? Does she still whisper in your ear?”

She didn’t want to tell him that she did. For a while the Well’s whispers left her not long after he’d abandoned her. Recently she’d begun to hear them again.

“Abelas said you act upon her orders. Then and now.”

“I follow no one’s orders but my own.”

“Do you really? How many pawns has she found in recent years, ma Vhenan? The Hero of Ferelden? The Champion of Kirkwall? The Herald of Andraste? We all play a part in her story… she made sure of that.” He stared at her, the worry was setting in, but he tried to hide it. “I wonder what other stories she’s been a part of.”

He was thinking now, clearly not wanting to believe what she suggested. Although she could see that he was beginning to consider it.

“How long have you been wondering the very same thing?”

He looked up, his eyes settling upon hers. Then something seemed to shift.

“My, my, I wondered what had delayed your mission, but I should not be surprised.” Both of their eyes shot to the other door and Hahya felt her heart sink, a tiny pull within her mind. Mythal was the last person she’d expect to see here.

Solas’s demeanor shifted once more. He was on edge, and slowly eased closer to her, standing between them. It almost surprised her that his instinct pushed him closer to her, that he seemed to choose her side.

“You look well, old friend.” His voice was calm, but she heard the edge to it.

Mythal stepped inside, glancing at all of Solas’s paintings. “You always did love to paint your pretty little pictures.”

“What are you doing here,” Solas asked, each moment slightly edging back towards her.

Mythal guffawed, throwing her head back. “Is that any way to greet your dearest friend, Fen’harel?”

“Solas,” Hahya pulled his arm when he finally was near and she whispered into his ear from behind. “Please, if she tries to take me… kill me. I refuse to be her puppet.” It hurt to voice that out loud, but it’d been on her mind ever since she controlled her the first time. His body was immediately tense, and he looked over his shoulder, but their eyes immediately settled back upon Mythal when she began to chuckle.

“Plotting are we? Have you finally brought your beloved in on your plan?” She tsked as she slowly wandered around Solas’s old room, fingers tracing over the frescos. “You never fell so easily, Fen’harel, always working hard at your tricks. So easily did the wolf outplay his prey, yet how easily the fox won his heart.”

“What do you want, Mythal?”

“Me? What do I want? What possibly makes you think I want or need anything?”

“When you’ve inserted yourself so deeply into history one wonders what plans you’ve been plotting,” Hahya finally said something to her, albeit terrified of having her attention fully upon her. She was deathly afraid that saying anything would end the control she had over herself.

Mythal ignored her utterance. “Frightened, my dear? You knew the consequences of drinking from my Well. Did you hear the whispers? Do you believe you know something now? Enough of this.” Her attention turned to Solas. “I’ve waited far too long, old friend. It is time to do what you were meant to do.”

“And what, pray tell, is that?”

“You will set those bastards free and I shall finally have my revenge. I will relish in the chaos that will fall upon this world and the spirits shall be on my side,” she bellowed. “Tear it down!”

“Was this always your plan? To see our people fall to my hand?”

“It was necessary after their betrayal. Do not tell me you were not all too happy to seal them away?”

She could see the defiance upon his face. “Knowing the consequences of my actions now, I would indeed have done things differently to prevent the fall of our race.”

“Oh? Now that you _know_? Have you lost your nerve, Dread Wolf? Do you think you can protect her from what’s to come? No one is safe.”

“Perhaps there is another way.” Hahya’s lips parted as she turned her attention back to him. Did he truly mean that now? Were the doubts already that strong before he came here? Had remaining here to wait upon his arrival truly paid off?  
She stiffened, and before she could grab him in her panic she was rigid. “Solas,” she whimpered and he quickly turned to her, holding onto her. There was panic upon his face; it only made her more frightened at her situation.

“You are foolish to believe that she is yours; she belongs to me. I gave you the power to fulfill your mission, now see it done, or I will take her now!”

Immediately green erupted from his hand behind them, and he pulled her with him as they tumbled into the fade. Mythal’s screams echoed around them as he closed the rift and she felt the pull leave her body with Mythal’s hold being severed. He stared down at her as he lay over top of her, brushing her hair from her face.

“Are you alright, Vhenan?” Worry laced his voice and she nodded until tears began to spill from her eyes. She covered her face with her palm.

“I shouldn’t have drank from the Well. I’m sorry,” she tried to get ahold of herself, but the emotions finally hit her.

“We will figure it out. Together.” He eased down, settling his lips upon hers. “Ir abelas, ma Vhenan… I am so sorry for what I’ve put you through. We must leave.” He stood, helping her up and she finally took a look around at their surroundings. It was Skyhold, but complete with the hue that accompanied the fade. It was Skyhold but different. Whole, unbroken, _elven_ ; perhaps how it was when it belonged to Solas before he put the veil up so long ago.

They hurried along, heading to her room where he opened a rift for them to pass through, hurriedly grabbing their things.

She grabbed her prosthetic, strapping the harness on and settling the rune to her forearm. She felt the tingling sensation as it connected to her nerves and she flexed the fingers of the device. Dagna had quite outdone herself. She hurriedly stuffed anything else that was important into her already packed bag.

“Where are we going,” she asked, watching as he put his coats back on.

“Away from here. As long as she lingers she will have a hold on you. We must hurry, no doubt she feels your presence.”

He opened another fade rift and she followed after him. He lead her towards Josephine’s office finding the library and from there he took her to a set of stairs she hadn’t seen before.

She didn’t like being in the fade, and the further down they went the more unnerved she felt. Spirits were tugging at her, little wisps wanting attention. Solas’s voice was gentle as he shooed them away and he took her down a winding stairwell.

“Where are we? I don’t remember there being an entrance to this place.”

“It no longer remains open in the Skyhold you know. I sealed it once I was finished ages ago.”

They came upon a chamber, and he opened a rift so they could step back into the real world. Before them stood an eluvian and she stared a moment before turning back to him.

“This is how you came here?” He nodded to her, eyes glowing a moment before the eluvian came to life.

“Many times I passed through this doorway… Wanting so badly to throw it all away and come for you…” his voice was soft and she was furious for a moment. How close he was to abandoning his plans and still he kept himself from doing so? She supposed she should be happy he at least was forgoing it. For now.

He offered his hand to her and she didn’t know what to feel about stepping back into the crossroads once again. The place she last confronted him in haunted her memory and she resisted the urge to clutch her arm as it twinged in phantom pain. She placed her right hand in his and he pulled her through with him.

“We mustn’t linger within the crossroads.” He pulled her along and she felt overwhelmed.

“Where do you expect us to go that she cannot follow, Solas? She seems to have an uncanny knack to be where it is she’s not supposed to be.”

He shook his head, “for the first time I am at a loss… I confess I am unsure what to do. I was so convinced in my convictions, but these last three years have been…” he hung his head again before tugging her forward. How he even knew where each of these led she had no idea. Where they ended up was at one of the castles she’d found herself in on her chase for him three years ago.

She could hear the rain pouring outside as he stripped himself of his heavy layers, and she followed suit. It wasn’t cold here, it was moderate if anything. A healthy middle ground as she took a deep breath to smell the rain that wafted through the windows. She followed him as he led her through the abandoned fortress on the hill in the middle of the plains. He told her how he would come here to think, to be alone from his growing army.

“I must also confess,” he breathed out a sigh as he sat down at a table within the room. “More than anything I hoped that I would find you upon my arrival at Skyhold.” She was skeptical, and her look must’ve reflected that for he chuckled when his eyes landed upon her. “I often found myself wondering what would have happened had I confessed everything that night in the grotto.”

She flinched, looking away from him. She hadn’t meant to show how much that still stung within her memory.

“I will not deny that I have become the monster I swore I’d never be. I am as bad, if not worse, than the Evanuris.”

“Solas, she… she used you.” She offered up weakly. Part of her was enjoying this, but the other part of her, the part that still loved him with all of her heart ached to see him this way.

“And I was only too happy to see whatever plan she concocted come to fruition. If it meant seeing them locked away… whatever the cost… She was supposed to be the best of us.” He was quiet for a moment, the light was beginning to fade and the room becoming darker. “You need not trouble yourself to comfort me. The pity I wallow in is no one’s fault but my own. You tried to show me a better path. I was too arrogant to see it. Still a lingering thought that this new world of people are unworthy, yet part of me was beginning to suspect otherwise. Could I cause such chaos again… would I hate myself more or less?”

She was quiet as she watched him. She truly didn’t know what to say.

“The question I had for you was identical to one of yours, Vhenan. Do _you_ still love me? I have dared to dream that you can love me as you once did. That you could love me as Solas not… whatever I am now.”

“I do love you…”

“But it is not the same. There is doubt, fear. Where we once were open and free, now we are guarded once more.” He leaned his forearms onto the table, shoulders hanging low.

“Open and free? If you were truly open and free with me we would not be in the position we are in now. I would not have drunk from the Well had you only been honest with me.” She snapped, not meaning to.

“You are right.” He nodded. “Where will that leave us?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Do you truly want it to leave us somewhere? To go back to a semblance of what we once were and move forward to fix this mess? To fix us? Because if you are lying to me, Solas, so help me. Mythal will truly be the least of your worries.”

He stood before her. “I want to find a way to free you from her clutches. I want us to travel together fulfilling the dream I allowed myself when I wondered what if I did not walk the path I had planned to. I want to see your smile again. I want to erase the sadness I have placed upon you.”

She swallowed, looking away from his piercing gaze. “Surely I must be dreaming.”

His palm cupped her cheek. “This is real, Hahya.”

“Would you truly be happy with that?” She closed her eyes, not wanting to see his face.

“I’d never known true happiness until I traveled with you,” he murmured.

She wanted to believe him, was so close to giving in, but part of her didn’t want to feel that encompassing pain she felt five years ago. She could barely function, barely move. She didn’t know what would happen if he did that to her again.

She moved away from him to the window to catch her breath. “I don’t know if I believe you, Solas.” She turned to face him, she saw the pain in his eyes, and she was such a fool for him.

“I do not ask your forgiveness in the single snap of fingers. I know it is something I must earn.”

“I don’t know if you can,” she said. He stepped in front of her, shocking her in the next moment. The Dread Wolf was down on his knees before her.

“Then I am at your mercy.”


End file.
